Operation “Getting My Ass Back on Track” is in full force. 

I’ve been avoiding the scale since July.  It’s been sitting in the dining room, but I didn’t have the nerve to stand on it and face the number.  I knew I was off track, but I wasn’t ready to face one more difficult thing.

So for weeks I ate what I wanted.  There was a twinge of “guilt” in the back of my head, but that was overcome by the need for the comfort that food can provide.  I would stop on my way to work for a Bojangles biscuit.  I would get the super-big Starbucks coffee.  I would go to lunch with co-workers and enjoy burritos and burgers and fried pickles (which are fantastic, by the way).  Robbie and I would go out to dinner and have appetizers and drinks and wonderful meals.  And the food worked hard at providing the comfort I desperately needed – though I would eat and eat and never fill the comfort I was seeking.  My clothes were starting to feel a bit tight, and I would glance at the closet and think “I don’t want to wear this shirt; it doesn’t fit as well as it used to.”

And in a wonderful twist of fate, a co-worker wanted to get a weight-loss group going at work.  It’s a bit funny, because that is exactly what happened the last time I started doing weight-watchers.  So we set yesterday as the date we’d have our first gathering.

I woke up yesterday morning and stepped on the scale for the first time in a long time.  And it was not pretty.  But it felt better to face it, rather than to live in fear of it.  And then I asked Robbie to step on the scale too.  And he did.  When I got home from work yesterday I cleaned out the fridge – throwing away the remnants of fried chicken and honey butter.  And I went shopping and replaced them with yogurt, lean turkey, and low-fat cheese.

And what is even stranger, is that I feel a little better today.  My life has felt so out of my control lately, that it feels really good to be able to lasso this one thing. 

So I’m detoxing a bit from all the wonderful fat and sugar I’ve been enjoying.  A few times even in the last day I’ve felt sad or anxious, and I’ve wanted to eat.  But I tell myself that it won’t fix the problem.  So instead I drink some water, take a moment to just let myself feel how I feel, and I move forward.

This is a good step in the right direction.

Today I started attending an at-work Weight Watchers meeting again.  You have to have 15 people in your office for them to come to your workplace, and after the Holidays we were able to get enough folks together.

I don't know why I am so extrinsically motivated.  Something about having accountability makes me do better.  Since I stopped the at-work meetings last year I had only lost an additional 6.4 pounds.  (That puts me around 75 pounds lost officially since August of 2005).  Being the positive person that I am though, I am going to try to put a spin on it and say that any loss is a good thing, and that at least I hadn’t gained.  My goal for this 15-week session is to lose 30 pounds.  I think that is reasonable and achievable. 

So for this week, I’m going to make a few commitments so that next week’s weigh-in will be a successful one: 

Drink my water.  I have been really bad about this lately.  And considering I have the big March of Dimes walk this weekend I need to be careful that I don’t get dehydrated and retain water because my body is too thirsty!

Exercise.  That shouldn’t be too hard this week.  As I said, I have the 8.6 mile walk this weekend, and the dogs are going to need some exercise after being boarded last week so I should be getting some miles in.  Plus the extra daylight at night should help as well.

Tracking what I’m eating.  I always sort of do this, but it’s the “sort of” that makes me not successful.  I need to write it down and be aware.  I forget that the bites of this and that add up after an entire day.  I did manage to pass on chocolate chip cheesecake at the office today so I’m taking steps in the right direction.

So if you see me in the hall carrying that donut from the breakroom, feel free to trip me.  It’s for my own good!

Ok, well, it is time to get back in gear again.  Over the holidays this year I decided that I was going to enjoy them.  That of course means, that I took part in eating holiday cookies, cakes, or whatever.  Well, now I'm paying for it, as I have gained something like 15 pounds since Thanksgiving.

That means that I'm going into overdrive starting with this new year.  Yesterday Kelly walked 8 miles to keep up with her new Nano-driven Nike challenge with her co-workers.  Yesterday I biked 6 miles, and walked for 3 miles.  This morning, we both got up at 6am to walk a couple of miles.  That and I'm eating back within my normal point range.  My goal is to lose those 15 pounds this month!